Here To Eat: Ace Eats America 10 Plates at a Time: McDonalds Deluxe Breakfast

Price: $4.69 (I'm for it too. ::Rimshot::)

Rating: ** / *****

I go to McDonalds roughly 5 times a day(for this reason I was unimpressed with the premise of Super Size Me) but rarely have I ordered anything off of their breakfast menu. Here's a sad, sad fact: I once asked for a chicken sandwich at 10:00 a.m., but since they weren't serving lunch until 10:30 I just parked my car until I could get my hands on one. It was worth it. So since I've never actually eaten a Deluxe Breakfast at McDonalds, I thought I'd review it for you fine people.

I would call it breakfast for lazy people, but then they came out with the McGriddle and turned my whole world upside down. Not only are people too lazy to cook their own breakfast, now they're too lazy to eat their own breakfast. The next step? The McSyringe: the only meal you'll have an excuse for not sharing! I'm lovin' it.

I ordered it with orange juice as I am a wuss who didn't want to singe his taste buds early in the morning. Along with that, I was handed a ridiculously sized bag with handles on it. I opened it to see the contents: a covered styrofoam plate, a bag with a hash brown in it, two thing-a-mabubs of butter, and what looked to be a half pint of syrup. I made sure not to open the plate, as that would've released the smell into my pristine car, but it was no use. The smell was intoxicating...not in a good way, but in a carbon monoxide type of way. The drive from McDonalds to school is less than five minutes and I still had to put the windows down to ensure that I wouldn't collapse in a heap onto the steering wheel.

Despite being light-headed from the contents of the bag(which should have been my first warning), I proceeded to walk to the food court and have a seat with my giant bag of McDonalds. Along the way I saw people looking at my prize in amazement, I knew they envied me in this way. The whispers permeated the air and greeted my waiting ears.

("Oh my God! That guy has McDonalds..." "Where'd he get that huge bag of food? I'm stuck with a sandwich..." "I...I must have him...")

Ah, to be young and powerful.

Now where was I?

...

Oh yeah, I had a seat and opened the mystery box of breakfast goodies. What greeted me were eggs, a single strip of bacon, a sausage patty, an English muffin, and two pancakes. With the addition of the hash brown, it was complete. To be honest, I've had way bigger breakfasts in diners. "How dare you call yourself deluxe?" I asked out loud. I scoffed at the name and proceeded to dig into what I felt would be an easy conquest.

Let me tell you something: the Deluxe Breakfast doesn't take any shit from internet food critics. McDonalds apparently found a way to condense a dozen eggs into the size of a playing card, because those were the densest and most filling eggs I've ever had. The pancakes, draped in syrup and dabbed with butter, managed to beat me into submission before I got halfway through it. The oily hash brown seemed to be impossible to stomach as it seemed to be poached in a vat of oil for about 2 hours too long. I didn't even manage to finish the single strip of bacon presented to me. It haunts me still, that bacon, which I foolishly nibbled on before being emasculated from the rest of the meal.

I only managed to finish about half. So I guess it is deluxe after all. I wouldn't say that it's bad per se, but the combination of ultra-thick and overcooked eggs along with oily hash browns makes it unworthy of a purchase. For the price, you can get much better breakfasts elsewhere. I guess this one has the advantage of coming in a wickedly cool styrofoam container, but that can't be too environmentally sound. Plus, you run the risk of wrapping your car around a telephone pole if you are driving in a closed vehicle with this thing. Do yourself a favor and avoid the Deluxe Breakfast if you value your consciousness or your stomach.

Posted by Anthony Nguyen on Saturday, March 03, 2007 at 10:12 PM | Permalink

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Yuck!!! You couldn't pay me enough money to eat breakfast there.

Posted by Anonymous | March 05, 2007 2:34 PM

"The McSyringe: the only meal you'll have an excuse for not sharing! I'm lovin' it"

OH, how I giggled aloud at that! You are a brave, brave man, much more so than I (especially being that I'm female- umm)

The meal looked shuddersome but the review was hilarious.

Creepy, creepy bacon...

Posted by Anonymous | March 05, 2007 5:46 PM

I enjoyed the review, however I must disagree. With exception to the ranch crispy snack wrap, the entire mcdonalds luch menu is forgetable. The only thing that McDonalds DOES excel at is breakfasts, especially the deluxe big breakfast which is the most awesome thing on the entire menu. Ill tell you how to eat one, you take the biscut, cut it in half, put in the egg and sausage. Then you have yourself a breakfast sandwich, you still get pancakes and a hash brown to enjoy, i devour them like a savage. I dont know about bacon though, we dont get that in chicago. Just seeing that picture makes me want to have a deluxe big breakfast... right now.

Posted by Anonymous | March 05, 2007 9:16 PM

maris - That's good, because I happen to be very broke.

thatspookytallchick - Thank you for the kind words. I giggled like a schoolgirl when writing this review myself...everybody in the library probably thought I was a weirdo. In many ways I am my own biggest fan.

Bob - Then it is agreed. We must fight to the death to decide this. On a less confrontational note, I must say that I generally dislike breakfast foods so I could be considered biased. Still...you don't even like the Big Mac? That thing is made of awesomeness.

Posted by Anthony Nguyen | March 05, 2007 9:52 PM

Damn, we don't have a Deluxe Breakfast here, just a Big Breakfast which contains the dense scrambled eggs, a sausage patty, a biscuit, and hash browns. I wouldn't mind some bacon with a Big Breakfast.

Posted by Anonymous | March 05, 2007 11:44 PM

We can settle this breakfast versus lunch debate: McDonalds is disgusting any time of the day.

Truth.

Posted by Anonymous | March 06, 2007 11:59 AM

that was lovely manly man meal.

Posted by Anonymous | March 06, 2007 9:54 PM

Ive never had a big mac before, I dont like mayo or whatever special sauce they put on it. Whats so special about it anyways? Its just 2 regular patties with a bun in the middle, nothing special. You dont go to McDonalds for good burgers, its that simple.

Posted by Anonymous | March 09, 2007 6:02 PM

I know intellectually that the Big Mac is not a "good" burger, but there are times when I enjoy it more than In-N-Out or burgers from sit-down restaurants. I am pretty sure that I have been brainwashed by the advertising, but there's a sick kind of comfort food synapse that fires in my brain when I eat one.

Posted by Anthony Nguyen | March 10, 2007 2:30 AM

This comment has been removed by the author.

Posted by Dashrashi | March 14, 2007 10:22 AM

I deleted because I mistyped ratio as ration--not stealthy. Anyway:

I only like two things at McDonald's: the hash browns and the single cheeseburger. The irritating thing is that the double cheeseburger is on the 99-cent menu and the single is not, so it costs more to get the single than the double. But McDonald's hamburger patties are disgusting; why would I want MORE of them? So I suck it up and pay the extra dime in the interest of keeping the ratio correct. I do love the hash browns, though. Although you need forty napkins.

Posted by Dashrashi | March 14, 2007 10:30 AM

It is really odd that the double is 99 cents and the single is 89. Really makes you wonder about the quality of the patty...

Posted by Anthony Nguyen | March 16, 2007 11:10 AM

That breakfast is nasty. I imiagine a person loses about two weeks off of their life after eating that thing.

Posted by Anonymous | April 21, 2007 1:33 PM

The deluxe breakfast is the best thing on the menu. I hope McDonald's never changes a thing about it. It's yummy.

Posted by Anonymous | April 21, 2007 1:35 PM

I'm eating a deluxe breakfast right now. It is pure yummyness!

Posted by Anonymous | December 11, 2008 7:31 AM

This is the grossest thing you could ever put into your body! That is about 1/2 of the calories for a healthy American--IN ONE MEAL!!!! GROSS GROSS!! its like toxic waste!! AHHH! the eggs don't look like eggs! they could stand up and walk by themselves!! AHHH!!

Posted by Anonymous | February 27, 2009 9:12 AM

McDonalds has some of the best ingredients you will find in any restaraunt. They go out of their way to have high quality beef, eggs, etc.

The part that McDonalds gets a bad rep on for having 'gross' food is the simpletons they hire to prepare it. Some of them cant cook hot water, much less put together this breakfast so it tastes good. Either they use too much oil or simply fuck it up with incompetence and you get something resembling a hockey puck in between stale bread. However, on those early mornings, when the blue hair shift is on duty, THEN you will get some good food.

I always recommend people to eat the breakfast rather than the regular stuff. Not because it tastes better, but the quality of employee that works in the mornings are usually better.

Heaven forbid your McDonalds is in an all black neighborhood, then I would suggest you find the nearest Jack N The Box...They serve burgers anytime.

Posted by Anonymous | May 23, 2009 6:55 AM

The deluxe breakfast is hands down thee most fattening (56g), calorie ridden (1090), carbohydrate infused (116g)item on their menu! my stomach is turning just thinking about it...bleurgh!

Posted by Zahnfee | June 04, 2009 12:02 AM

And that's without butter, syrup and your McCaffe.

Posted by Zahnfee | June 04, 2009 12:03 AM

That stuff sounds really fatty.. In Denmark McDonalds doesn't open untill 10 o'clock and doesn't have anything breakfast related on the menu.. But they do have some other stuff not found elsewhere, like Chicken Delleburger and tunar salad

Posted by Anonymous | August 18, 2009 8:03 AM

One of the funniest reviews I have ever read! Have you had a steak bagel? My favorite!

Posted by Anonymous | November 20, 2009 3:41 PM

I'm seeing some variance in what comes in a 'deluxe' big breakfast. Growing up in California I remember two 'big breakfast' options. Deluxe and standard, the difference being the 'deluxe' had 2 hotcakes.

Now the deluxe in our market (Tezas) contains eggs, sausage patty, hash browns, a biscuit, and three hot cakes. I remember when I was a kid it was an english muffin and not a biscuit. I don't remember bacon anywhere. Anyone in the states have bacon with theirs? What about the english muffin v. biscuit?

Thanks,

-J

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Posted by Anonymous | May 28, 2013 5:21 AM

I wanted to bought d deluxed breakfast....thank goodness i didn't bought anymore. It is fatty and dishealthy to ate it. I am watched my weigth rite now.

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