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I have scared off armed criminals by flexing my muscles. Many women have turned me down for dates because of how manly I am. I think.

So it is perfectly okay for me to state that this candy assortment is the cutest thing I've ever eaten. Yes, "cute" is the word I use. It's fucking cute, okay?! This pack of five sealed boxes comes with flavors of lemon, grape, chocolate, fruit assortment jellybeans, and yogurt or vanilla pudding or something. The lemon, grape, and vanilla candies themselves are very odd. They are made like M&M's, but come with a sweet tart-like chalky center in a crisp sugar shell. The lemon and grape flavors are pleasant and cooling, not overwhelmingly chemical like you might expect. The lemon in particular is very vibrant and refreshing. There is an instant hit of brightness and aroma after biting into the shell, it was much better than what I was expecting. The chocolate ones were far better than they had any right to be. The chocolate was smooth and had hints of coffee, which I enjoyed immensely.

On to the bad...the white ones were throwaways and completely bland. I can't read Japanese, but I'm thinking that the flavor is actually "plain". The jellybeans were way too chewy - not stale, just chewy. Kind of like gum, actually. Like melon flavor gum.

Of course, the best part of the package is the box art. It is absurdly zany and fun. There's a box with a party animals putting their instinctive differences aside and living it up on a tropical island. There's even an anthropomorphic lemon happily drinking tea in the back of one of the boxes! LOOK AT IT!!!

It's almost as cute as this. However, it gets depressing when you wonder if the artist was a middle aged man desperate for work after failing to sell enough copies of cyborg hentai to support himself. And then you start thinking...is there lemon in that tea? Is that lemon drinking itself? Is it like an ouroborus-type paradox meant to signify the cyclical nature of life, or a sick representation of self-cannibalism? I'd have to go to Japan to find out, but I have a feeling that I'd end up sold in a vending machine somewhere.

Posted by Anthony Nguyen on Thursday, November 30, 2006 at 4:21 PM | Permalink

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