Here To Eat: Ace Eats America 10 Plates at a Time

Price: $2.99
Rating: * / *****

My picture got messed up, so I had to use a tiny stock one. Sorry, folks! I'm certainly not buying another one for the sake of a picture. It really didn't look much different though...however, looks can be deceiving.

This meal by Healthy Choice is under the "Flavor Adventures" line. With a name like that, they should have a new tag line.

"You paid for the entire seat, but you'll only need the edge!!!"

Hmm...maybe it's not that adventurous. I can only conclude it's called that because Healthy Choice thinks that guys who eat frozen dinners have never had salmon before. On the contrary, I'm a well known salmon lover. Not in the Troy McClure way, of course, but on a bed of pilaf and topped with a lemon butter or caper sauce. However, I don't have a double boiler or know how to create a creamy dill sauce, so this meal piqued my interest.

The meal is "Wild Salmon Fish Slices in a Creamy Dill sauce over Pasta with Broccoli", which seems good, though I doubt that a salmon weak enough to submit to the fierce constriction of man's net was ever that wild to begin with. Apparently the salmon Healthy Choice chose were the ones that the bears had rejected. I saw Grizzly Man, so I know that a bear will eat any god damn thing it comes across. Anything EXCEPT THIS SALMON.

I don't even know where to start with the salmon. I know intellectually that seafood in the microwave is going to be sub-par, but I still can't resist the allure of a promising meal. I also know that I am an idiot that needs to follow his conscience when spending perfectly good money on meals that are guaranteed to disappoint. The salmon, in a word, is vile. You know how they tell you to buy fish that doesn't have a fishy smell? This is the complete opposite of that. When I opened the door to my microwave, I was shot in the face with an unholy mixture of dill and demonic marine life.

Despite my nausea, I decided to try a piece before judging it. After chewing twice, the flavor reached my brain and I proceeded to spit it out. I guess that's what they meant by "flavor adventure". Oh, those tricksters! The taste is offensively fishy...I don't know if Healthy Choice knows the meaning of subtlety. It's as if they added "artificial salmon extract" to the meal. The sauce is also a hideous disaster, making me think that "dill sauce" is "creamed death" in another language. The broccoli? Well, I have no problem with you, but I think you're hanging with the wrong crowd.

Posted by Anthony Nguyen on Saturday, November 25, 2006 at 12:04 AM | Permalink