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Lunchables Ham and Cheddar

Price: $.99 (on sale)
Rating: **** / *****

I know what you're thinking. And yes, it is quite shameful when I have to qualify my food purchases with "it's for my little sister" at the cash register, but Lunchables are delicious. It's odd really...for all intents and purposes a basic Lunchable is crackers, processed cheese, and processed meat, but it captures my imagination like few other things. This is in stark contrast to the new and hipper Lunchables that arrived as I was hitting adolescence (ugh...whoever decided that uncooked pizza and cold tacos were good ideas?!). Lunchables are a seemingly simple product, but no matter how hard I've tried using things like Ritz crackers and "real" meat to make my own, I failed miserably in replicating the experience.

What's even stranger about a lunchable is that though the main varieties are turkey and ham, both meats taste essentially the same. I DARE you to try and distinguish between their Swiss cheese and American cheese as well. I never noticed this until later on in my life, but I'm now convinced that the only difference in food coloring. Sneaky bastards. This particular lunchable came with two cookies that taste more like Diabetes than shortcake. I tried taking it apart and eating it sandwich style with the meat and cheese to get a similar effect to the uber-hip Krispy Kreme hamburger. Sadly, my efforts only made it more unappetizing. It was a lost cause. I think I'll pass on this variety next time.

Then there's the stacking thing. Somehow in elementary school, the higher you stacked a Lunchable the more enjoyable it would be. I've seen people use up the whole box to build and unholy structure of lunchability. Foolish children, their mouths could not dare to fit the entire thing! I dare not tread that dreadful stacking territory, for fear of being struck down like the Tower of Babel.

To Lunchables!: Food of the gods and schoolchildren alike.

Posted by Anthony Nguyen on Thursday, November 02, 2006 at 2:32 PM |

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