Here To Eat: Ace Eats America 10 Plates at a Time

Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Rating: * / *****

The Five Stages of Eating Hungry-Man Chicken Parmigiana

1. Denial
This can't be...I didn't really spend $2.50 on that did I? $2.50 buys me a gallon of gas. Actually, a gallon of gas wouldn't be so bad to wash this awful taste out of my mouth. Out of my soul, really. Perhaps in my death, Hungry-Man would be pressured into taking this terrible product off the market. Maybe they forgot to scan it on the receipt...(nope, it's right there...sigh) Could I have been duped by the proclamation of "free bread stick!" on the cover of the box?

2. Anger
Italian food takes time and love to cook properly. A hungry man has neither of these things, why else would he be so hungry? Damn you Warren Sapp! I should've known you were only in it for the money. Not only is the texture similar to a chewed up hamburger, but the "meat" is so overwhelmingly tough that I had a hard time reconciling with the laws of physics. I say "meat" because the chicken had more air bubbles than a shipping envelope. Despite this, it was still impossible to cut with a fork. MO@#$*)!()**#$ER how is that possible? Either have it soft and fake, or firm and real Mr. Hungry-Man!

3. Bargaining
I did research on you, Hungry-Man. Apparently you are controlled by an entity of some sort going by the name of Swanson. I have trouble believing this. I have tasted Swanson's boneless fried chicken in the past, and it was of good quality. Yet, your spaghetti is scarce and flavorless. Your breadstick is tough, bland, and small. Your chicken tastes like it has been breaded by a duck in its mouth. Have you been paid off by some type of dietary demon? Or has the allure of being hocked by football players corrupted your spirit? Answer me, I'll give you anything to erase my memory!

4. Depression
I was a fool to believe that Hungry-Man could produce an Italian-style meal that is edible. I don't deserve to live! (sob)

5. Acceptance
After three miserable bites, I came to terms with the fact that I had wasted my money. I also came to terms that I am running out of material for this review. In short...avoid at all costs.

Well, it appears that the first entry has come to an end. Please leave comments if you somehow stumbled upon this burgeoning blog!

Posted by Anthony Nguyen on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 4:09 PM | Permalink