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KFC Chicken and Biscuit Famous Bowl

Price: $4.99 w/ a drink
Rating: ** / *****

"Okay, that'll be $5.13 at the second window, Ace."
Uhh...I haven't ordered yet.
"Oh, it's a new thing we're doing at KFC. It's called FEF, and it's designed to speed up service to well known customers."
Wow, that actually sounds like a good idea. So now that KFC is doing FEF, I don't even have to order?
"Nope, our records indicate that you order with surprising consistency. In fact, you come enough where we can find out what you order 99% of the time, +/- 3%. Almost like an election."
This sounds awesome! So what does FEF stand for?
"Well in keeping in line with our acronyms, FEF covers up the less desirable Fatties Eat Faster name."
Fatties Eat Faster? How come I wasn't told about this?
"Well, store policy designates that fatties aren't told about the name...it might be considered offensive."
Uh...huh.
"So yeah, we already have the #2 with extra gravy and a side of fried chicken skins at the second window for you."
How'd you know I was coming?
"We put a tracking device on our best customers. It lets us know when you get into your car."
But I could just be visiting friends or going out or something.
"Let's not kid ourselves, Ace. We know why you drive."
All of this makes sense now. You know, what Jim? I think I'll go with something different today. I saw this commercial for a new Chicken and Biscuit famous bowl and the guy seemed to be really enjoying himself.
"Is that so?"
Yeah...I'd say he was almost getting off just eating it. I think I'll take that one.
"Alright, that'll be $5.36 at the second window."
Thanks, Jim, tell Pam and Dan in there that I said "hi".
"They already received your Hallmark cards. Enjoy your meal."

So Jim was pretty cool today, though I'm not sure how I feel about FEF. Nevertheless, I came home with this disaster of a meal. Not that it couldn't taste good looking like that, but chances are slim to nil that most sane people could enjoy this. Even I, who could be classified as insane in some southern states, didn't enjoy this. I still ate and finished it, though.

Why?

I don't know. I was pretty hungry, but looking back, it wasn't a great idea. For those of you who aren't aware of awful fast food creations, the Famous Bowl is KFC's way of slopping all of their leftover ingredients into a plastic bowl and hoping you have low enough self esteem to dig into the thing. First of all, I should mention the ingredients of the meal. This one contains mashed potatoes(more like blended instant potato flakes, but I guess that's fast food semantics for you), a pile of sweet corn like the ones you donate to homeless shelters, a smattering of breaded chicken pieces, a half gallon of country gravy, a sprinkling of cheese, and topped off with the coup de grace. A fucking biscuit. That's right, now you get to eat your biscuit mixed in with everything else like an animal.

The meal doesn't taste BAD per se, but it certainly has many, many flaws that I will begin listing for you fine readers right now. First of all, there isn't nearly enough mashed potatoes and far too much corn. It was almost a 50/50 ratio in my bowl, which is not only unpleasant, it is hard to eat. The corn tasted like it came straight from a can and into the bowl, which is to be expected but it isn't acceptable when the quantity is so high. The chicken pieces were soggy as anticipated, but had the good KFC flavor and can hardly be blamed for the downfall of the meal. The cheese was cheese and the biscuit was a biscuit. That was fine, I guess.

But the gravy! I wouldn't be angry with KFC's sad attempt at country gravy if I hadn't had better tasting gravy from Banquet meals. Now I don't have exactly high standards for what I eat. If it's "yummy" I'll eat it no matter what. This gravy, however, fails miserably at life. It has the taste and consistency of lightly salted milk. Not only is it runny and weakly flavored, but its lacking any of the pepper that makes a white gravy interesting. So not only does it make the chicken and biscuit soggy, it turns the potatoes into a watery paste and adds no discernable flavor to the bowl.

And I STILL finished the thing. Damn, I must really hate myself. So there it is, a two star meal. I don't know how this bowl got famous, but it certainly wasn't based on merit. Does anyone know if KFC has a casting couch?

I can't get over how unappetizing that looks. Like glazed donut holes or something.

It looks like a corn chowder recipe gone wrong. Or if I was Joe Francis, I would say, "It looks like a corn chowder recipe gone wild."

That's supposed to be food for humans?! Omg the things they come up with nowadays...

But I must say I've read through most of your entries and I think you have such an entertaining writing style. Keep it up!

That bowl looks absolutely disgusting.

Thanks for taking one for the team... but I try to avoid food that looks previously eaten.

~ Diana

At a glance I thought it was glazed donut pieces too. Wow, that's hideous.

Maelstrom: Kind of like those bugs that look like leaves, it sneaks up on you.

Marvo: I will not have you making fun of Joe Francis, I showed my chest on my own free will.

Angelic: Thank you. I just saw KFC come out with Mexi Bowls, maybe that'll be a fitting way for me to die.

Anonymous: Agreed. And I finished it. I was either really high or really hungry.

Diana: I think you're kind of right, maybe I should head over to Fear Factor and show Joe Rogan who's boss. BTW, my sister is named Diana too. But I keep this from my family, so I'm sure she'll never know about it.

Sam: They say not to judge food by how it looks...but then again, this meal sucked. From now on, I'm judging everything and everyone.

Ugh...that's so disgusting, Ace. I don't know whether to admire your bravery or be freaked out. If I ever opened the bag and saw that, i would just throw it out.

dude my friend bought one of those bisuit bowls, and i could tell he had the buyer's remorse. So he had to eye eff my crunchwrap(steak).
take it easy Bz.

omg-that looks scary-it even looks scary on the TV commercials...yikes

zombiedude - uh...thanks?...I guess?

frank - are you sure he wasn't just staring at your other goods?

ellen - The Chicken and Biscuit Bowl: It Even Looks Gross in the Commercial. KFC should make this the new tagline.

Ace, I am ashamed that you don't love this. because I love this. it is definitely one of the best meals I've ever eaten...from a fast food restuarant. I love chicken, I love potatos, I love corn and I love white gravy. so yes, I love this meal. mm pig slop. but I'll give it to you that this photo makes it look horrid.

I love the KFC famous bowl, mashed potatoes, sweet corn and chicken with cheese toppings..


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