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Banquet Chicken Nuggets

Price: $1.00
Rating: **** / *****

Chickens don't have nuggets. But Banquet does. Take advantage of that. This is a meal that consistently delivers processed goodness. I know I have complained about the air bubbles in Chicken Parmigiana, but I don't mind it with the chicken nuggets because the flavor isn't...you know, repulsive. It's also not trying to be something it isn't. It's not called chicken tenders or premium chicken selects or anything. It's emulsified chunks of chicken and fat, that's it!

The tricky part of the heating process is combining convenience with yumminess. I tried combining the two words to come up with a clever name, but the result was a bit more sexual than I had imagined. Back to the meal: it is very easy to just toss the tray into the microwave for three minutes, but the nuggets get very soggy. The best way to go about cooking it is to take the film off of the nuggets and place a napkin under it. Let's see how much liquid it soaks up...


Are you disgusted yet? How about now? No? Good, now you can enjoy your non-soggy chicken nuggets. Dip liberally in ketchup and/or catsup to fully take in the nuances of the complex flavors. Like a fine wine, enjoy it slowly and experience the intricicies of the harmony of chicken and tomato paste. Sometimes when I'm feeling like going nuts I'll open up a thingamajig of barbecue sauce saved from a fast food establishment. If you really want to be fancy, you can cook it for two minutes and then finish it off in the toaster oven...but this method takes some semblance of effort, which is too much for a lot of us when we want a quick meal.

Now on to the sides. First on the menu are the crinkle cut fries. They are rather flavorless, but get the job done when dipped in your favorite condiment. Unfortunately, they tend to stick to each other, so you'll have to separate before eating. Think of it as if you are picking individual pieces off of a blooming onion and you'll be less disturbed. I'll be honest, I toss the frozen corn most of the time. The corn kernels are still cold by the time the nuggets and fries are done, and are generally bland and worthless - like YOU! Haha, just kidding folks, please don't hate me.

And yes, that really is an offer for a free game of bowling on the box. No, I don't see the connection either.

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